Enough is enough…part 1

sinEnough is enough….today I received some news and it made me think about my life and the past several years. On March 6, 2013 I “tweeted” “Apply God’s word to every situation in your life. Stop and pray before reacting to life’s situations.” That being said, we all fail from time to time and react to “life’s situations” before praying! Back in 2007 I started praying before reacting to life’s situations and made it part of my day. Then in 2010 I slowly fell back into old habits and did not pray every time a “life situation” came up. I prayed every day but not in the moment of those situations…before reacting. Boy, has that got me into some trouble.

Then in 2014 I stopped all together. I had a lot going on in my marriage and stopped praying during those “life situations”. I stopped striving to be who God wanted me to be and did not put God first. I put my husband first and his addiction. My life was consumed with his addiction and life…that I wasn’t truly “me” anymore. I started my blog in 2013 then in 2014 I only had a few posts, none in 2015 and I am back in 2016.

I let that happen.

I prayed, we went to counseling, marriage coaches, separated and reconciled. Nothing could change the direction our marriage was heading because there wasn’t true change. God was not the center of our marriage. Looking back I should have prayed in every “life situation” before I reacted throughout our marriage. Instead my flesh was acting out to every lie and every time my husband fell back to his “old ways”.

Which brings me to another tweet I “tweeted” on April 5th, 2013 “There is no such thing as a perfect man or perfect marriage. But the one I have is absolutely perfect for…me.” I truly believed this to be true. But when you’re married to someone that has an addiction you can not fix them nor can you save them. I was always trying to “fix” him. They have to want to change and only God can “fix” them. Addiction is an absolute terrible sin of this world that creates such bondage. It is so hard when you so badly want to help someone and can’t.  I wanted to fix his problems that I had absolutely no control over.  My husband wasn’t perfect but I chose him, I loved him! He didn’t have the confidence to know I loved him regardless of anything this world had to say about him. I knew our marriage was worth fighting for…but only God can break the bondage of your loved ones addictions.

So learn from my mistakes.

  • Always put God first.
  • Always have God the center of your marriages.
  • Always pray before you “react” to life’s situations.
  • Don’t let anyone stop you from praying or walking with God
  • Pray for your wife or husband to find freedom from their chains
  • Pray for your wife or husband daily
  • Don’t lose yourself in their addiction
  • When you’re going through this journey lean on the Lord and draw closer to HIM
  • There is not the “perfect” marriage but marriage is worth fighting for.
  • Love unconditionally

and don’t forget to always PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!

Love and Blessings,

Cheri

 

Advertisements

Dating Wisdom…Date Well

Are-You-Dating-A-Godly-WomanI hope sharing this with you will help you Date Well or apply this to your marriage…I have been married before and divorced. Going through this journey has led me to know what I want and don’t want in a relationship.

I was married to a man who lied over and over. Without writing a book. He was not the man I thought I married but I saw a lot of “Red Flags”. He will say #FamilyFirst but his Sex addiction was first. He told me his biggest fear was losing me but his biggest fear is people finding out the truth about him. He is good at superficial relationships at work and virtual relationships but when it comes to true loving relationships I was never first nor was others.

So when I would see him put all this on social media…his family is first, God is first, he loves me (his wife), writes me the best love story in cards he would give me but never followed by actions. I knew this was not the love God had planned for me nor the man he wanted me to spend the rest of my life with. It was time to call it quits on that relationship. I was with him for five years and after years of marriage counseling and coaches. He was never honest and continued the same behaviors. It came to the point that this relationship was toxic, not growing and bringing the worst out in me. I was losing myself and turning into someone I didn’t like. I had to get out and take care of me.

Even after I left, I found out more lies. When it came down to it…what was wrong in our relationship it was his character. I didn’t trust or respect him anymore. It was all hard to bare but with God, HIS love, family and friends I have been able to build my life back.

I want to DATE WELL the next time. So I have already began evaluating myself and know that even if I am not dating or married to someone today. I know what I want for myself and in a healthy Christian relationship.

Colossians 3:12-17 is great scripture to guide you/me through dating and being with the man/woman God has planned for you.

“Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another… and over all these things put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity.”Colossians 3:12–17 (NIV)

Is this person kind, and growing in kindness? How do they treat their friends? Their family? How do they treat “everyday” people who they don’t need to impress: restaurant servers, cashiers, janitors, telemarketers? These are telling indicators of kindness.

How do they handle anger? Are they able to express anger appropriately? Can they talk about frustrations, or do they stuff feelings, or seethe? Does their room have punch holes in the wall? Do they know the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger?

How do they handle conflict? Colossians 3 calls us to let the peace of Christ rule. Do they need to be right, even if it’s at the expense of the relationship? It’s possible to be right about an issue but still handle it in the wrong way. Conflict is guaranteed to come up in your relationship, so date someone who knows how to apologize.

Is this person aware of (and patient with) weakness? Colossians 3:13 doesn’t say “fix one another with all your wonderful suggestions”; it says “bear with one another’s weakness.” We all have sin pressure points and weaknesses that rub against others. No matter how long we are married or how great our communication skills are, we will never outwit, outsmart, or outmaneuver sin. This calls for patience and grace with ourselves and one another.

Is this someone I can work alongside? If marriage could be summarized in two words, I might suggest “life together.” Once all the initial euphoria subsides, the question is whether this is someone alongside whom you can do the regular tasks of life: can you complete your schoolwork? Can you still be a good friend to others? Is this someone with whom you can enjoy a healthy “normal”: doing laundry, planning your year, working at your job?

Are they trustworthy? Are they faithful to do what they say, to keep a confidence? Is their yes ‘yes’, and their no ‘no’?
Does this person show sexual integrity? And are they faithful with their (and your) sexuality? Dating is a terrible time to test sexual compatibility, since great sex has so little to do with biology and so much to do with established intimacy in other areas: something increased by trust and time.

Dating is, however, a key time to test sexual integrity, since critical factors in long-term sexual health and satisfaction have to do with how well we steward and express our sexuality.

Do they say thank you? Do they practice thankfulness in small and big ways? Colossians speaks about habits of gratitude. Date someone who thanks God and others.

Do they know who they are and whose they are? Colossians 3:12 starts out by saying “As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved… put on compassion…” Knowing that our identity is found in being unconditionally loved by God is the foundation for healthy love relationships with people. No person, no matter how wonderful, can fill the deep need we have to find our identity in being loved. This is a God-shaped hole in our hearts, and we need to be people and date people who let God fill the God-shaped hole.

Is this a person with whom I can grow in my faith?

Colossians 3:16 says we are to let the message of Christ dwell richly among us as we teach and admonish one another. So ask: Is this someone with whom God’s Word has a place between us, and with whom I can share God’s wisdom and encouragement?

Colossians 3 is your guide to good relationships and marriages. Great marriages are made of the same stuff that great dating relationships and great friendships are made of. This means, of course, that the popular advice on “getting a girl” and “finding a guy” which focuses on fine tuning your appearance and social etiquette really doesn’t get to the heart of the matter. Being smaller, bigger, more ripped, bustier, more confident (or whatever it is you feel you need to make yourself more attractive) has little or no correlation to actual dating success, which is about figuring out whether you could really live life with this person. Ultimately, we marry someone to live with them, not to go to parties or look good in Instagram vacation shots.

Dating well, then, means dating someone who is becoming a person you trust and respect, and with whom you can partner lifelong to live for God. And it means discovering more about yourself so you can become such a person yourself. It has nothing to do with someone’s résumé, BMI, GPA, 401(k), or their hotness score; it has everything to do with discovering one another’s character, even as you’re developing your own. Character is everything.

Remember Colossians 3 and its profoundly good news for dating: the better we are at relationships in general, the better our dating, and ultimately our marriages, will be. It’s the stuff we already know and appreciate about others. Our friends, co workers, etc. we have the tools to find great friends and we need to put those tools into practice when dating.

Be kind, be generous, and LOVE. Find a woman/man with Character!

I do…I do…and I do…

i-do-i-do-logoWe meet the man or woman that we plan to spend the rest of our lives with. When you first meet each other you’re full of love for each other, lots of laughs, fun dates, and so much more. This person is the man/woman of your dreams!! You say…I Do and said your vows in front of family and friends. Most importantly before God.

Then things are not perfect. Someone falls short. Something happens in your marriage. Your upset with each other. Life happens….etc. You think I am done with this person but that is not what you committed to do. You committed to say I do again and again to each other.

When your marriage doesn’t go as planned…remember why you fell in love with this person. Remember your vows. Pray, show grace, be humble, forgive and keep on loving each other. Most importantly love each other unconditionally and remember “Love IS the GREATEST”!

1 Corinthians 13

Love Is the Greatest

13 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.

11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

GOD IS IN THE RESTORATION BUSINESS!

Always water your OWN grass. Before you make irrational decisions and leave your marriage…Have an affair, lust after someone else, confide in other men or women. Make sure it’s God’s decision not YOURS! PRAY, put God first and listen to the wisdom of God. Don’t make your own selfish decisions.

When you’re having problems in your marriage you think it’s easier to flirt or have an affair with someone else. You tell yourself, “We would have a better life, more fun and so much more.” You can convince yourself that the “Grass is Greener on the other SIDE”.  If you’re honest with yourself the “GRASS” looked just fine where you are. (It just needs watering) You’re just going through a season in your marriage. Are you being selfish and only thinking of yourself? Make sure you put God first in your marriage.

Our marriages should be our prize possessions. Is your marriage broken today? Are you ready to “junk” it and never again look back? Hold on!!! GOD IS IN THE RESTORATION BUSINESS! It may take time and some hard work, but it is possible to have a completely restored marriage.

Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

So today ask God for HIS wisdom and guidance in your marriage.

Love and Blessings,

Cheri

Bless Your Marriage While Blessing Others!

beachweddings40 God is for marriages. So in this world man will come against your marriage.

Just because there are couples that are not happy, or men/women that are divorced/single or whatever their relationship status is, it doesn’t mean we should allow them to interfere with our relationship(s). No, instead we should pray for them.

We should also thank God for our marriage and how blessed we are. And for all those people that are jealous, want to steal our joy, or try to come in between us, we should be a model of exactly what God planned for married couples to be so people can see what we have and want it. This way, our marriage in the end, not only blesses us but blesses others around us.

Perhaps that through our marriage, they are led to a better place in their relationships and see Christ working through our own marriage and subsequently want Christ to work in them and in their relationships as well.

It is about being an influence for God!

Matthew 5:44-48
“You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

“In a word, what I’m saying is, let’s all be mature in our marriage. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

Take this challenge —

If you are a married couple, be a blessing to the men/women who are single, going through a difficult time, divorced, etc. Don’t allow them to steal your joy but let them see how God wants us to be. Sometimes these single or unhappy married people will come against your marriage (where affairs start). We should be a role model that they know we are not on the market for someone else we are happily married.

Love and Blessings,

Cheri

Build your husband UP!

All of us women notice the little things our husbands do and we wonder why he couldn’t have just done it “right”. For example, my husband will leave a kitchen cabinet door open or the coat closet is never shut all the way. I mean, is it really that hard after all?

Anyway, in my younger days I would have been upset and said something like, “Can’t you just shut the cabinet door or the closet door all the way?” Now, in my 40’s, I have learned that there are something’s that are not worth getting upset about. So I just laugh or smile and shut the kitchen cabinet door.  Or when walking by the coat closet and I see it not closed all the way and just think.  “That is my John!” and I just shut it.

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” ~Proverbs 14:1

As wives, we need to build our husbands up not tear them down.  We are all imperfect and simply we can not expect our husbands to be perfect.

Something that I did for my husband that put a huge smile on his face. He arrived home last week to this sidewalk chalk driveway note.

Love & Blessings,

Cheri

 

Image

”Be My Valentine” ~ Marriage Challenge! {via Women Living Well}

Be-My-Valentine-Marriage-Challenge-707x1024

I read this on Women Living Well and was challenged to do the same in my marriage. Won’t you join me in building up your husband or boyfriend and show him how much you love him?

There are 4 weeks until Valentine’s Day so I thought it might be fun to do a little –

Be My Valentine” ~ Marriage Challenge!

Each week the challenge will be the same – to praise, encourage, inspire, admire, build up, thank and appreciate your husband. But each week I will give you different ways to express your praise. Feel free to tweak it for what you think is best for your husband.

JR Miller writes “So it is in the dark hours of a man’s life, when burdens press, when sorrows weigh like mountains upon his soul, when adversities have left him crushed and broken, or when he is in the midst of fierce struggles which try the strength of every fibre of his manhood, that all the radiance and glory of a true wife’s strengthful love shine out before his eyes. Only then does he recognize in her God’s angel of mercy.”
 Let’s be angels of mercy to our husbands. We may think they are filled with confidence and strength but they are only human. They have insecurities, fears, failures, burdens and cares that we do not always slow down to recognize. We lose our tenderness in the hustle and bustle of life and this month let’s slow down and really see our husband’s with fresh eyes.
It’s tempting to make Valentine’s Day all about ourselves – but let’s pursue selfless living  as Philippians 2:3-4 says “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”(NIV)

Week 1 starts this Monday!

Week 1 January 21st – Look for ways to praise your husband verbally. Praise him in front of the kids, friends, family, co-workers, on facebook, tweet it – get praise out anyway you can! Try to mention something noteworthy he has done – in his role as provider, father, husband, lover, or friend. If the thought of trying to come up with one terrifies you, then pray right now that God will give you new eyes to see your husband as God does. Then open your mouth and say something kind and uplifting to your husband today and tomorrow and the next day until Valentine’s Day arrives!

 Week 2  January 28th – This week we will be a little more creative with our praise. I will give you many ideas of fun things you can do to praise your husband such as surprising him with a love message on the mirror, using sidewalk chalk to write on the driveway, making a toast to him at dinner with friends etc. Get creative with your selflessness!

Week 3 February 4th – Pursue intimacy and place the intimate needs of your man above your own. Seek to “kiss him like you mean it” every single day this week! Solomon 5:16 says “His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely.” Paula Rinehart says that for many men, “Sex is like a silent cheer.” Our men feel stronger, more capable, and built up when we respond to their advances with a smile. Give a Foot massage, back rub, shower together, be creative!
Week 4 February 11th – Women love romance, chocolate and flowers on Valentines Day. Do you know what your husband wants? Ask him! I’ll give you some ideas of what I have planned later :) !
“When you touch your husband’s deepest need something good almost always happens!”
~ Dr. Emerson Eggerich
So I challenge you today to join us and show your husband you like him!!!
Blessings,
Cheri